Wheels Up, Principles Down: A Study in Political Aerodynamics
The moral compass, she spins and she spins.
2025.02.18
In a week with planes landing all cattywompous and politicians ideologically backflipping, it seems fitting to explore the aerodynamics of political integrity. Welcome to another installment in the series: "How TF Did We Get Here?: Girlfriends’ Guide to Democracy's Death Spiral."
Let's talk.
I need to talk about Senator John Fetterman.
He has mastered the art of the political barrel roll with such impressive skill that even the planes at Pearson Airport are taking notes. Once a progressive stalwart who could make Bernie Sanders look moderate, our hoodie-wearing hero has discovered that principles, much like aviation regulations, are more of a suggestion than a requirement.
So, a YankoBoop. Right here. You can click and play (and laugh and laugh).
The Flight Plan
As the FAA hemorrhages talent faster than a senator sheds campaign promises, we're discovering exciting new ways to test gravity – both political and actual. The Trump administration's recent speed-run through aviation safety personnel has created what some might call an "alternative elevation opportunity."
The Pre-Flight Safety Briefing
✓ Hundreds of FAA employees being terminated
✓ Air traffic control infrastructure? Optional!
✓ Progressive senator now thinking January 6 participants deserve pardons (all of them)
✓ Planes performing gravity-optional maneuvers
✓ Democracy experiencing unexpected turbulence
The Black Box Recordings
The WAG TEAM's latest track captures this speshal moment of institutional reality inversion with all the subtlety of a plane landing upside down (which WOW!@ is now an approved FAA procedure as long as the right people profit).
In-Flight Entertainment
While you contemplate your own exit row strategy from this situation, enjoy our musical interpretation of current events. Remember: it's not a descent into authoritarianism if you call it "alternative elevation."
And hey, if you're wondering whether to be more concerned about the planes flying upside down or the politicians performing moral gymnastics, remember: at least the planes eventually have to land. The politicians? They can keep spinning indefinitely.
Exit row instructions: In case of emergency, principles can be found under your seat. Though at this point, they're probably more useful as a flotation device.
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Why Free? Because Democracy Shouldn't Be Behind a Paywall Look, I could charge for this content, but then I'd have to spend time licensing images instead of crafting these spicy takes on our descent into chaos. Plus, keeping it free means more people can witness democracy's death spiral from my front-row (a little too uncomfortably comfortable, if ya know what I meant) seat. It's like Spirit Airlines - no frills, but we'll get there... eventually... maybe upside down.
Share This Flight Plan If you enjoyed this alternative elevation experience, consider sharing it with others who might appreciate watching democracy perform aerobatics. Forward to a friend, post it on your social media, or print it out and leave it in the seat pocket in front of you.
Join the Conversation Got thoughts about our political Boeing-747-degree turns? Drop them in the comments below. Bonus points if you can spot all the aviation puns (there are more than the FAA currently has employees).
Remember: Every share helps spread awareness about our rapidly inverting democracy. Plus, it really annoys the people who think gravity is negotiable.
#TurbulenceIsJustSpicyAir #FlightPlanToFascism #GravityThatDeepStateConspiracy #DemocracyInvertedFlight #FettermanFlip #WhoNeedsRegulationsAnyway #AlternativeLanding #UpsideDownIsTheNewNormal #PrinciplesOptional #AviatingStraightToAutocracy #MAGAMileageProgram #FirstClassBetrayal #BlackBoxesAreJustSuggestions #DemocracyHasExperiencedTechnicalDifficulties #BailoutRequired #CrashingWithStyle #DonorsGetExtraLegroom #AlternativeAerodynamics
Wheels Up, Principles Down (The Fetterman Flip)
FAA's in shambles, safety's optional now Regulations burning while we're learning how To navigate disasters with alternative facts "Just a little turbulence" as the U.S. of A. cracks Tower's gone dark but we keep on flying Safety checks failed but we keep denying "Both sides do barrel rolls!" that's what they say As we nosedive into Autocracy Bay Wheels up, principles down! Democracy's inverted all over town Navigation's optional when you're MAGA-bound "It's not a crash if you meant to hit the ground!" Pilot's in the cockpit, used to fly straight and true Now he's doing backflips, says his view is new "The left wing's too radical!" as we tilt far right Survival rate's dropping but the donors, they sleep tight Emergency lights a-flashing, warning systems scream "Just alternative landing paths!" or so it would surely seem Moral compass spinning like a plane that’s in distress While the control tower tweets "This is big success!" Black box recordings show the truth of the fall But alternative transcripts say there's nothing at all Flight plan's getting darker with each passing day As freedumb's autopilot slowly fades away Wheels up, principles down! Watch that moral compass spin round and round When you're pulling a Fetterman in MAGA town The truth becomes whatever hits the ground "Please return your democracy to its full upright position... Or don't. Whatever keeps the donors flying first class."