Weapon-Free Insurrection Blues: A Musical Guide to Historical Gaslighting

Where Reality Is Optional and Every Coup Attempt Comes with a Rainbow

Welcome to America's newest musical sensation, where we turn violent insurrection into a Disney Channel original! Because why face harsh realities when you can jazz-hands your way through a coup attempt?

Just your average tourist visit to the Capitol! Note: Any resemblance to actual events has been professionally whitewashed for your comfort.

Remember, y’all, it wasn't an insurrection - it was an impromptu patriotic dance party where some windows spontaneously decided to relocate! And those zip ties? Simply fashion accessories for the fashion-forward fascist!

A helpful annotated guide to seeing no evil, hearing no evil, and rewriting all evil.

Now Streaming

• Spotify (Reality Optional Mix)

• Apple Music (Alternative Facts Edition)

• Amazon Music (Prime Coup Collection)

• TruthSocial Tunes™ (Memory Hole Mix)

• PatriotPlay™ (Tourist Visit Version)

• InsurrectionFlix (Peaceful Protest Cut)

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• You've ever mistaken bear spray for aromatherapy

• Your peaceful protest accidentally breached federal buildings

• Your tourist visit included impromptu gallows construction

• You think pepper spray is just spicy air freshener

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• Almost-frequent-enough lessons in creative historical reinterpretation

• Expert tips on rebranding violence as vigorous hugging

• Exclusive "It Was Just A Normal Tourist Visit" merchandise

• Free "I Stormed The Capitol And All I Got Was This Revisionist History" t-shirt

#PeacefulCoup #TouristVisitGoneWild #BearSprayOfLove #GaslightingGreatness #HistoricalFiction #CoupWithManners #InsurrectionButMakeItCute #ZipTieFashion #PepperSprayPeace #1776ButMakeItFluffy #ZipTieSymphony #ThisIsFineMusic #HugLife

Part of the WAG TEAM's "Democracy Dies in Double Standards" Collection, featuring hits like "Tokens Always Get Spent" and "The Sunshine State Strip-Down"

Warning: Side effects may include cognitive dissonance, spontaneous reality denial, and an irresistible urge to refer to bear spray as "spicy hugs."

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Weapon-Free Insurrection Blues

They stormed the gates with hugs and high-fives,
Not a single zip tie in sight, oh my!
With pitchforks of kindness and bear spray of love,
They spread democracy like angels above.

No guns, no harm, just a friendly parade,
Carrying banners of peace as the windows gave way.
“Weapon-free” never looked so fierce,
When freedom’s defined by the lies you rehearse.

Oh, they marched on in with flowers and songs,
And gallows for show—not that anything’s wrong.
The Capitol police? They just played along,
To the soundtrack of treason, a patriot’s song.

No firearms, just flags, no force, just “faith,”
Just a buffalo hat and a righteous embrace.
Oh, history’s written by the ones who deceive,
When the facts are a burden, what do you believe?

So raise your Kool-Aid, let’s toast to the truth,
That rewriting the story’s the ultimate coup.
Call it freedom, call it just,
While democracy crumbles to ashes and dust.

So here’s to the unarmed—armed only with rage,
And to peaceful protests that break every cage.
The blues may be bitter, but the truth’s even worse,
When reality’s rewritten, we all share the curse.