The Gun Form Blues

Matty G. Plankhead's Paperwork (A Study in Selective Justice)

In this installment of Mixtape on the Titanic: When one man's felony is another man's whoopsie oopsie poopsie.

WAG TEAM presents a musical exploration of how justice hits differently depending on your family tree.

Starring:

• One selectively accurate gun form

• Lady Justice's new partisan headwear

• Several very confused legal scales

• Multiple "context-dependent" crimes

• Moby's increasingly judgmental side-eye

Special appearances by:

• One suspiciously placed lollipop

• Various selective outrage meters

• The complete collection of "But What About..." greatest hits

• Democracy's growing migraine

• Several carefully timed police sirens

The YankoBoop

Here to play it. The Gun Form Blues.

Context

Justice, it seems, comes with an optional double standard—one that lets some people squeeze through the cracks with a wink and a shrug while others face a full-on moral stampede. Matt Gaetz, aka Matty G. Plankhead, finds himself as the poster child for these inconsistencies, navigating paperwork “mishaps” with the dexterity of a man who has a Get Out of Jail Free card permanently laminated.

While Hunter Biden’s every keystroke or checkbox becomes fodder for public crucifixion, Gaetz’s alleged improprieties—including underage scandals, questionable Venmo receipts, and creative gun form answers—seem to provoke little more than a collective shrug from the same outrage engines.

This is a tale of two systems: the loud calls for accountability applied selectively to enemies and the resounding silence reserved for allies. With Matty at its center, it’s clear that some people can wave away the consequences of their actions as easily as they wave a MAGA hat. Justice’s scales tip not with truth, but with context, connections, and the ever-popular game of “But What About…?”

Now streaming on Spotify, Apple Music, and wherever else selective justice gets its soundtrack.

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#GunFormBlues #SelectiveProsecution #JusticeForSome #PlankheadPaperwork #ButHerEmails #WhoWatchesTheWatchers #MobyJudgesYourHypocrisy #TwoTieredJustice #ContextMattersForSome #SilenceIsTellingToo #WhenSirensGoSelective #RulesForTheeNotForMe

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The Gun Form Blues

Matty's filling forms with creative prose
"No drugs here!" as his nose grows and grows
Waving guns while his brain's getting fried
Check that box, little Matty just lied
But hey, that's a crime when your name is Biden
While Plankhead's indiscretions keep slidin'

Where's that righteous Republican rage?
When it's Hunter, they're ready to rampage
But for Matty, they're suddenly sage:
"Let's not rush to judgment at this stage!"
(Funny how that works...)

The Gaetz Report's a horror show scene
Predatory plans laid out clean and mean
Underage girls, the payments, the dates
While Congress pretends these are just minor states
They screamed "Lock him up!" at the president's son
But for Matty boy? The silence has won

Law and order! They love to proclaim
Till it's one of their own in the frame
Then it's "context" and "process" they preach
While their moral high ground starts to breach
(It's almost like...)
(It was never about justice at all...)

Got a gun in his hand, drugs in his head
"But Hunter's laptop!" is all that gets said
The party of values, of law and of right
Suddenly finds their tongues tied up tight
Their silence screams volumes in crystal clear sound:
"Rules for thee, but not for our crown"

Where's that righteous Republican rage?
When it's Hunter, they're ready to rampage
But for Matty, they're suddenly sage:
"These accusations need proper gauge!"
While justice watches through a one-way mirror
And hypocrisy couldn't be clearer

"But her emails...
But his laptop...
But what about...
[Sound of police sirens fades into selective silence]"