That DOGE Won’t Hunt: A Musical Guide to MAGAonomics
Where Voodoo Economics Meets Crypto Chaos
Welcome to 2025's wildest economic ride, where tax cuts pay for themselves, giant Canadian faucets solve droughts, and cryptocurrency saves democracy. Grab your economic textbooks – we're about to fact-check some fiscal fairy tales.
So, here it is. The Yankoboop.
The Yankoboop
That DOGE Won’t Hunt.
The Sitch: Reagan's Ghost Meets Crypto Bros
What happens when 1980s supply-side economics collides with 2020s crypto hype? You get our current moment: a perfect storm of recycled theories and digital dreams, all promising solutions while dodging mathematical reality.
The Greatest Misses
1. Return of the Magic Tax Cuts
"They'll pay for themselves!" said his economic hounds, While the debt clock spun like rodeo rounds..."
The Promise: Massive tax cuts that generate enough growth to offset lost revenue.
The Reality: Basic math has entered the chat.
Historical Parallel: Remember the 1980s? The deficit remembers.1
2. The Tariff Paradox
"But tariffs on China and the dollar's ascent, Turned his plans into chaos and pennies misspent."
The Plan: Tariffs will shrink the trade deficit.
The Reality: A strong dollar makes exports less competitive.
The Result: Trade deficit goes up, not down.
3. The Canadian Faucet Chronicles (see also)
"Turn the faucet in Canada, one twist a day, And California's drought will all go away!"
The Claim: A building-sized faucet in Canada controls California's water.2
The Reality: Pretty sure that's not how anything works.
The Solution: Apparently, sending the CIA to investigate plumbing.
4. Crypto to the Rescue?
"With Muskaswamy dancing and DOGE in their show, They're printing excuses faster than crypto can go..."
When your monetary policy sounds like a meme, something's gone terribly wrong.
The Real Numbers Behind the Rhetoric
Trade Deficit Reality Check:
Tariffs strengthen the dollar.
Strong dollar hurts exports.
Trade deficit expands.
Repeat.
The Manufacturing Squeeze:
Dollar strength makes U.S. goods less competitive.
Factories face increasing pressure.
Jobs continue moving overseas.
But hey, look at those crypto gains!
Stagflation Warning Signs:
High interest rates persist.
Growth slows.
Inflation lurks.
Just like old times!
Why This Matters Now
The collision of recycled Reagan-era policies with modern crypto-enthusiasm isn't just entertaining – it's expensive. While we're hunting for magical Canadian faucets and promoting digital dog coins, real economic challenges multiply:
Manufacturing competitiveness drops.
Trade imbalances grow.
Interest payments balloon.
Budget math gets ignored.
Looking Forward (Through Our Fingers)
What's next on this fiscal adventure?
More promises of painless solutions
Increased pressure on the Fed
Additional hunts for mythical infrastructure
Extra servings of economic fan fiction
The Bottom Line
"Oh, that DOGE won't hunt, it's a broken scheme, A fiscal nightmare dressed up as a dream..."
When your economic policy reads like satire, it might be time to revisit the drawing board. But until then, keep your crypto wallets close and your economic textbooks closer.
That DOGE Won’t Hunt
He moseyed to town in his golden crown,
Making promises that'd make a preacher frown.
'Tax cuts for all!' while the Treasury bleeds,
Selling snake oil dreams and crypto feeds."
“They’ll pay for themselves!” said his economic hounds,
While the debt clock spun like rodeo rounds.
But the math don’t add up, and here’s the stunt:
That DOGE won’t hunt.
Oh, that DOGE won’t hunt, it’s all bark, no bite,
A fiscal mirage in the dead of night.
Trade deficits grow, the tariffs are junk,
Economics by “gut” leaves the dollar sunk.
Oh, that DOGE won’t hunt, no matter the spin,
It’s a Ponzi scheme wrapped in a MAGA grin.
He said, “Let’s nuke Greenland, and conquer the Pole,
Panama’s next—oh, just set a goal!”
But tariffs on China and the dollar’s ascent,
Turned his plans into chaos and pennies misspent.
With Muskaswamy dancing and DOGE in their show,
They're printing excuses faster than crypto can go.
“Cut fraud, cut abuse!” is their favorite stunt—
But honey, dear honey, that DOGE won't hunt!
“Well, folks, they said these tax cuts would pay for themselves.
They’d reduce fraud, trim the fat, and balance the books.
And yet, here we are—debt as high as the moon
And a trade deficit deeper than the Gulf can flow,
Wide as Mississippi when them spring rains blow.
Oh, that DOGE won’t hunt, it’s all hat, no cow,
Making stagflation great again somehow.
Rust Belt’s hollow, the tariffs are bluffs,
Can’t fix the deficit with fairy dust stuff.
Oh, that DOGE won’t hunt, no matter the tune,
It’s fiscal rodeo meets economic cartoon.
The Faucet King’s back with his gut-feeling crew,
Trading spreadsheets for Twitter, and facts for untrue.
“Stagflation’s a myth!” they declare with a cheer,
While the dollar climbs high and factories poof! disappear.
Budget cuts for the poor, subsidies for the rich,
It’s voodoo economics in a three-piece stitch.
“Just print more money!” is their final punt—
But but but that DOGE won’t hunt.
Oh, that DOGE won’t hunt, it’s a broken scheme,
A fiscal nightmare dressed up as a dream.
From Reagan’s deficits to Trumpus’s trade blight,
The cycle spins on, but that don’t make it right.
Oh, that DOGE won’t hunt, no matter the con,
When you dig for truth, the facts have done gone.
https://www.crfb.org/papers/trump-and-biden-national-debt