Stage 5 Clingers and Silicon Slingers
When Tech Bros Have to Touch Grass: A WAG TEAM Holiday Lullaby
In This Installment of Mixtape on the Titanic
When your perfectly normal holiday week includes tech bros fighting over H-1B visas, Vivek Ramaswamy critiquing 90s sitcoms, and one very concerned treeing walker coonhound mix wondering if we're all in a simulation.
Starring
Elon Musk in his most clingy role yet
Several extremely serious PowerPoint slides about Screech
Moby's growing concerns about everything tech bros touch
The ghost of Twitter Blue Check Past
One very golden throne that absolutely everybody says is totally normal and not at all concerning
The Yankoboop
Play it right here. Right here! It’s amazing. Stage 5 Clingers and Silicon Slingers.
Special Appearances Thought About
Laura Loomer's last nerve
At least three confused H-1B visa applicants
Several increasingly alarmed social media managers
Democracy's stress eating
One surprisingly calm Siamesish cat who's seen it all before
Available on Spotify, Apple Music, and wherever else billionaire midlife crises are documented (but mostly on X, until someone loses their blue check).
Context
This piece was inspired by the couple of days after Christmas Day tech bro meltdown of 2024, when Silicon Valley decided to explain to MAGA why actually, importing engineers is very based and red-pilled. In the midst of Laura Loomer's ongoing crusade against stage 5 clingers, we found ourselves watching Vivek Ramaswamy explain why "Boy Meets World" is responsible for America's engineering shortage, which naturally called for a musical response.
Inspirations & Shoutouts
Mad props to Jeff Tiedrich for documenting this fever dream . His piece really captures the essence of this moment.
Additional insights drawn from Ann Coultergeist’s surprising moment of clarity about H-1B visas (we're as shocked as you are).
If you're trying to make sense of why tech bros are suddenly MAGA-curious, definitely check out Laura Loomer's Twitter feed - she's doing the opposition research while we add the barbershop quartet soundtrack.
#WagTeam #TechBroMeltdown #MobyIsWorried #MarALagoInCrisis #Stage5Clingers #SiliconMAGA
Stage 5 Clingers and Silicon Slingers
The leopards circle, but they won't bite Tech bros dancing under MAGA's light Elon's got a mission, Vivek's got a scheme But Laura's got receipts to shatter the dream Ooooh, what a show...
Stage 5 clingers, Silicon slingers Mar-a-Lago's got the big-name swingers Slither in, oh, what a show Tech bros trying to steal the MAGA glow
"Not MAGA," she says, but don't forget He's parked at Trump's, a side-piece pet While they scream "America First" from the stage It's Big Tech's dollars they really crave Money talks, but tweets walk...
Stage 5 clingers, Silicon slingers Mar-a-Lago's got the big-name swingers Slither in, oh, what a show Tech bros trying to steal the MAGA glow
Oh, Lara's got the shade, and she's not wrong Elon's lullabies are the billionaire's song From H-1Bs to China's charms Trump's mansion's now a techie farm
Now MAGA's torn, their rage ignites As culture wars replace their fights While Elon spins his free-speech dreams The party drowns in its twisted streams
Stage 5 clingers, Silicon slingers Mar-a-Lago's still the MAGA wringer Cling to the power, cling to the fame But leopards don't forget who's really to blame
