Shiftf*ckery Symphony

Space Nazi Explains Fire-Hurricanes

In this installment of Mixtape on the Titanic: Los Angeles invents a new weather pattern (the fire-hurricane, because regular hurricanes aren't spicy enough), and the internet's finest minds rush to explain why it's definitely because of critical race theory (CRT).

Space Nazi discovers posting through it doesn't actually stop fire-hurricanes.

Meanwhile, the most incellious billionaire evuh suggests fighting apocalyptic fire-hurricanes with... [checks notes] mud.

The Sitch

As Jeff Tiedrich, um, documents in "No, Idiots, Los Angeles Isn't on Fire Because of 'Diversity,'"¹ we've reached that special moment when climate apocalypse meets internet expertise. While fire-hurricanes consume LA's golden arches, Twitter's finest minds have identified the real problem: too many ethnic restaurants affecting the weather patterns.

But don't worry! The "well, actually" brigade has solutions:

• Mix sand with water (revolutionary!)

• Terraform Mars (easier than fighting climate change)

• Ban CRT (affects barometric pressure)

• Post through it (very important)

The Yankoboop

So. Here it is. You can listen. Right here.
Shiftfarkery Symphony.

The Players

Starring:

• Several extremely concerned Space Nazis with YouTube meteorology degrees

• One increasingly metaphorical burning McDonald's sign

• PragerU's Department of Atmospheric Racial Science

• Multiple "well actually" bros posting from their escape pods

• A very sad bucket of sand-water solution

• Twitter's finest minds explaining why pronouns cause weather

Special Guest Appearances By:

• Ben Shapiro's doctor wife (with thoughts on humidity)

• Rocket bros recording their final podcasts

• The Great Replacement Theory (now with weather maps!)

• Several extremely scientific Telegram threads

• One perfectly timed "Let's say, hypothetically..."

• Jeff Tiedrich's increasingly exasperated Twitter feed

The Science* Behind It All

(*"Science" here meaning "things we made up")

As documented in both Tiedrich's article and multiple extremely credible Telegram threads, the real cause of climate change is:

1. Too much diversity in meteorology

2. Critical Race Theory affecting cloud formations

3. Ethnic restaurants changing wind patterns

4. Liberals caring about the environment (this makes the environment angry)

Now Available On:

• Spotify's "Posting Through The Apocalypse" playlist

• Apple Music's "Well Actually, Fire Isn't Hot" collection

• PragerU's "Real Weather For Patriots"

• Elon's "Mars Is Lovely This Time Of Year" mixtape

• Truth Social's "Alternative Weather Facts"

• Ben Shapiro's "Facts Don't Care About Your Fire-Hurricane"

Or if you just feel the need for Stream.

A Note from the Department of Internet Expertise:

All solutions mentioned were actually suggested by extremely online individuals. Any resemblance to real science is unintentional and should be reported to your local Space Nazi Weather Bureau immediately.

Drop a 🌪️‍🔥 in the comments if you've ever tried to explain climate change using only Telegram sources, or share your favorite "well actually" moment from the apocalypse! Bonus points if you can prove diversity affects barometric pressure (using only PragerU citations).

#ShiftfuckerySymph #WellActuallyTwitter #SpaceNaziWeather #PostingThroughDisasters #RocketBroEscape #ThisIsFine #LAisBurningButIHaveCharts #SandPlusWaterEqualsSolution #MarsLookingGood #WeatherExpertsOfTelegram

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Next Week or Sometime: "Rocket Bros in Exile: How to Abandon Earth While Maintaining Your Twitter Presence"

SELECTED RESEARCH MATERIALS

For the Well-Informed Space Nazi Weather Expert

PRIMARY SOURCES:

• "Why Diversity Causes Hurricanes: A Thread" (Truth Social, @RocketKing2024)

• "Traditional Values Stop Climate Change" (Telegram Research Institute)

• "My Wife's A Doctor: Understanding Weather Through Facts and Logic" (Daily Wire)

• "Sand + Water = Safety: Basic Chemistry for the Coming Apocalypse" (Substack)

ACADEMIC CREDENTIALS:

• PhD in Alternative Meteorology (PragerU)

• Masters in Race-Based Weather Systems (YouTube University)

• Bachelor's in Historical Climate Revisionism (4chan College)

PEER-REVIEWED* STUDIES:

• "The Great Weather Replacement Theory" (Journal of Ethnostate Climatology)

• "Why Moving To Mars Is Easier Than Fighting Climate Change" (Musk Institute Quarterly)

• "Liberal Tears: A Renewable Resource" (InfoWars Scientific Review) *Peers selected from approved Telegram channels only

STATISTICAL ANALYSIS:

• Correlation between DEI initiatives and hurricane intensity (Source: Trust me bro)

• Graph showing relationship between CRT and atmospheric CO2 (Data set: Made it up)

• Impact of pronouns on barometric pressure (Methodology: Vibes)

RECOMMENDED VIEWING:

• "Actually, Fire Isn't Hot" (BitChute Documentary Series)

• "Ben Shapiro DESTROYS Climate Science with FACTS and LOGIC" (Daily Wire)

• "Tucker Carlson's Guide to Weather Patterns" (Streaming from an undisclosed Eastern European location)

APPROVED NEWS SOURCES:

• The Daily Stormer Weather Center

• Storm Front Weather Watch

• Real American Patriots Weather Alert System (NO WOKE WEATHER)

EMERGENCY PROTOCOLS:

1. Deny

2. Deflect

3. Blame minorities

4. Post through it

5. When in doubt, quote Hitler on meteorology

Note: All sources guaranteed 100% pure by the Institute of Making Things Up to Support Our Narrative (IMTUSN)

APPENDIX A: APPROVED CONSPIRACY THEORIES

• Chemtrails are actually diversity training vapor

• Hurricanes are caused by too much ethnic food

• Global warming is a direct result of rap music

• The ozone layer has pronouns now

• Climate science was invented by George Soros

For research purposes only. Any resemblance to actual science is unintentional and should be reported to your local Space Nazi commander immediately.

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Shiftf*ckery Symphony

There's a fire-hurricane a-comin’ down
Golden arches burning all across town
But Space Nazi's droppin' some galaxy brain:
"Have you tried praying to make it rain?"
"Just mix sand with water - that's the cure!
And check my Substack for solutions pure!"

Well actually, the world's on fire
But let me tell you why the blacks and browns are why
Technically speaking, as flames climb higher
I've got some Pepe memes that'll make you cry
While LA burns, I'll mansplain it all
With InfoGraphics pulled from /pol/
'Cause when the fire-hurricane comes to call
Just post your takes and save your soul!

They're posting theories from their bunker schools
About why diversity breaks weather rules
"If illegals would stop crossing borders here,
These Category 6's would disappear!"
"It's basic science, just check my thread -
The Great Replacement made the weather red!"

Well actually, the world's on fire
But let me tell you why the blacks and browns are why
Technically speaking, as flames climb higher
I've got some Pepe memes that'll make you cry
While LA burns, I'll mansplain it all
With InfoGraphics pulled from /pol/
'Cause when the fire-hurricane comes to call
Just post your takes and save your soul!

(Spoken with increasing Ben Shapiro energy):
"Um, actually, if you check my sources
(They're all on Truth Social, completely pure)
You'll see these atmospheric forces
Just need some ethnostate cures..."
"Let me explain with this 12-part thread
Why CRT made the sky turn red!"

The golden arches melt in burning rain
While Rocket Bros tweet through their private planes:
"Just move to Mars, that's all you need!
(But first buy my bunker with crypto feed)"
"Climate change is just too woke -
Try drinking liberal tears and cope!"

Well actually, the world's on fire
But let me share my Telegram research
Technically speaking, as flames climb higher
I've got some charts from my Discord search
While cities burn, I'll break it down
With quotes from Hitler's weather takes
'Cause when apocalypse comes to town
Just blame some minorities, for heaven's sake!

(In increasingly frantic Ben Shapiro speed-talk):
"Well actually, if you analyze the data..."
"But my wife's a doctor..."
"Let's say, hypothetically..."

1.

no, idiots, Los Angeles isn’t on fire because of ‘diversity.’ shut the fuck up