Oval Countdown
When Your Official Acts Are Running Out of Time
In this installment of Mixtape on the Titanic: A musical exploration of presidential immunity's last dance, featuring an increasingly psychedelic Oval Office and a very concerned WAG TEAM wondering why somebody is not using his powers while he still has them.
The Players
Starring:
One increasingly ethereal president
Several very patient special counsel reports
Multiple definitions of "official acts"
A clock that's ticking suspiciously loud
The ghost of precedent past
Fourteen days of unlimited power (terms and conditions may apply)
Special Appearances By:
Judge Cannon's latest creative interpretation
Democracy's reminder calendar
Several extremely clear legal options
One surprisingly relevant Hitler quote about legality
The Bulwark's increasingly exasperated commentary
Merrick Garland's collection of unused powers
The Situation
When presidential immunity meets transitional timing, strange things happen to reality. The Oval Office starts melting, official acts become whatever you say they are, and somehow releasing public documents becomes simultaneously completely legal and totally impossible.
Behind the Surrealism
Inspired by JVL's incisive commentary about the paradox of presidential powers,1 "Oval Countdown" explores what happens when unlimited authority meets limited time. Turns out even omnipotence has an expiration date.
The YankoBoop
Play it. Here. You can. Really.
Fun Facts About Presidential Powers
Everything's officially official when you're officially acting officially
Special counsel reports are like Schrödinger's cat: simultaneously classified and declassified
Time moves differently in the Oval Office (especially during transitions)
Judge Cannon has opinions about your opinions
The definition of "official acts" is whatever you officially say it is
A Note from Reality's Legal Department
All presidential powers portrayed in this song are real and currently available for use. Any resemblance to actual unused authority is entirely intentional and increasingly frustrating.
Now Streaming
Spotify's "Democracy's Last Dance" playlist | Apple Music's "Tick Tock Constitutional Clock" collection | The Supreme Court's "Things We'll Regret Later" compilation | Judge Cannon's "Creative Legal Interpretations" mix
Drop a ⏰ in the comments if you've ever had unlimited power and forgotten to use it, or share your favorite "official acts" that should have been but weren't.
#OvalCountdown #TickTockDemocracy #ImmunityButMakeItFancy #WhileYouStillCan #SpecialCounselBlues #LegalityOClock #PowersGoingPoof #MerrickGarlandRegrets #LastChanceLegal #TimeWaitsForNoPresident #OvalOfficeMelts #UseItOrLoseIt #TransitionTicking #PowerParadox
Oval Countdown
Well I'm sitting in this Oval chair Got two weeks left on my share Everything I do today Is officially okay 'Cause the lawyers say I'm clear To drop some truth bombs over here (It's all official, baby!) Official acts, that's what they say Everything's cool when you're on your way What's classified today might not be tomorrow Depends on who's feeling presidential sorrow Got a special counsel's notes Filled with presidential quotes Fourteen days, can't hesitate But immunity feels great When you're officially acting There's no time for redacting Now listen here, folks What's official is whatever I say is official And what I say is officially whatever I officially decide To officially declare as officially official (Is that clear enough for you?) Your immunity's my immunity This whole town runs on impunity What's classified this Monday morning Might be Tuesday's legal warning 'Cause when you're heading for the door Those official acts mean something more Tick tock goes the countdown clock Two weeks left to pick this lock Every hour that slips away Is one less chance to have my say When January twenty comes These powers turn to legal crumbs Official acts, that's the game Different rules but just the same What's a crime for you and me Is just Thursday policy For those who hold the key To what official acts can be And that's officially official... I think... Maybe... We'll see what the courts say!
