O Canada (He's Coming to Save You Whether You Like It or Not)

The UXA's Narcissist-in-Chief Decides to Save Canada from Its Own Sovereignty

2025.02.02 - Groundhog Day, Post 1 (of GOK how many…)

While Punxsutawney Phil was busy predicting six more weeks of winter (what’s winter?), America's autocrat decided to predict Canada's future. That future has red hats and no self-awareness what-so-evuh.

Just 13 days into Trump's second term (yes, I’m somehow still counting), and after launching competing meme coins with esposa from the White House (yes, this actually happened),¹ the UXA’s Narcissist-in-Chief has decided that Canada (you know, that fully functioning democracy to the north) needs saving from being Canadian.²

But why let reality get in the way of a good invasion fantasy? After all, when you've already pardoned 1,600 insurrectionists, launched cryptocurrency scams from the Oval Office, and started a "Patriot Censorship Unit” (really),³ why not try to annex Canada? Chaos is like milkshakes and crab legs: There’s just never enough.

The YankoBoop

You can play it. Right here. (And read along with the brilliant lyrics!) O Canada He’s Coming to Save You. Or something.

Also streaming on:

• Spotify

• Apple Music

• Amazon Music

• Truth Social's Premium Freedom Tunes™️

• Putin's Playlist Premium

• MyPillow Guy's Musical Manifesto Network

• Tucker Carlson's Late Night Lullabies

Want more documentation of this descent into absurdity?

• 📫 Subscribe (free!) to get these dispatches from the edge of reality

• 🔄 Share this post (because your friends won't believe this actually happened)

• 💬 Join the conversation below (therapy group forming in the comments)

• 🎵 Follow WAG TEAM on Spotify (before music gets classified as foreign propaganda)

#ThisIsntAboutPolitics #ItsAboutBeingHuman #WagTeam #SaveUsAllFromTrumpus #CanadaNotReluctant51stState #SorryEh #MapleLeafMadness #TrumpCantReadAMap #FreetheMapleSyrup #O_Canada_SOS #WhyIsThisRealLife #PoutineResistance #BeaverStateOfEmergency

Reality Bites: The Canada Chronicles

Fiction cannot compete with February 2025.

The Four-Day Timeline of Actual Events (There —> Here)

January 31, 2025 - The Setup

• Trump announces 25% tariffs on Canada and Mexico because reasons.

• Major government websites begin vanishing into the digital void.

• USAID employees scramble to save decades of work before sites go dark.

• Trudeau promises "forceful but reasonable" response (Canadian for "Oh, it's ON").

February 1, 2025 - The Escalation

• Canadian dollar plunges as economists warn of recession.

• Government purges continue: websites disappearing faster than democracy.

• Canadian negotiators report confusion over Trump's demands to "secure the border" (from... maple syrup smuggling?).

February 2, 2025 - The Tweet

• 8:26 AM: Trump decides Canada should become the 51st state.

• Trade experts: "This isn't how any of this works."

• Canadian response: "NAH."

• Wall Street Journal publishes "The Dumbest Trade War in History."

What Actually Disappeared

(A partial list of government websites that went dark)

• USAID.gov (entire agency website)

• ForeignAssistance.gov

• Youth.gov (for disagreeing with the regime's definition of "youth")

• Multiple health and science websites (for containing forbidden words like "empathy" and "evidence")

Sources: Associated Press, The Guardian, WIRED, Reuters, and whatever government websites haven't been disappeared yet

Boy, that got dark.

1.

2.

3. https://patriotpost.us/articles/113877-trump-tackles-censorship-2025-01-24