I Can't Get No Medication: Musky Ketamine Crisis (and a YankoBoop in Response)
What do you do when three nations cut off your supply and your federal optimization goes awry? (You blame DEI. That's what you do.)
Y'know, when Mexico, Canada, and China decide to cut off Elon's ketamine supply (did this happen? does it matter?), it seems like just another absurd headline in our ongoing national descent into farce.
But timing is everything. Just as our favorite tech billionaire enters forced sobriety, he's tasked with "optimizing" federal systems. Because what could possibly go wrong?
Y’know. This just might be the most predictable plot point of 2025 so far. Or maybe it’s just wished-for. Has this happened? Is this reality? What difference does it make?
Mexico, Canada, and China have collectively decided that maybe—just maybe—the fella optimizing federal systems shouldn't have access to quiiiite so much ketamine.
So, we in the UXA must say: THANK YOU. At least something, while all this other crap:
Planes are discovering exciting new relationships with gravity.
Bird flu is getting a patriotic rebrand.
What bird flu?
Eggs cost more than Bitcoin.
Tesla stock is performing an interpretive dance titled "Gravity Be Real (and Sometime, she a real beotch.)”
Here’s the YankoBoop
Right here. You can click it and play it. I Can’t Get No Medication.
#KetamineCrisis #MuskMeltdown #WhoWillNameTheOceans #PatriotWingSyndrome #MAGAMedicine #TeslaNoGoBrr #BirdFluRebrand #FederalOptimization #EggPricesSoaring #RudysMixology
Join the conversation:
Suggest countries available for purchase.1
Share your bird flu rebranding ideas.
Calculate the horse-to-medication exchange rate.
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Share this post if you've ever:
Attempted to purchase a sovereign nation
Renamed a crisis to solve it
Lost access to your favorite brain optimization tools
Crashed federal infrastructure
All of the above while live-tweeting
2025.02.01.
Eleven days into DFT 2.0 and we've already had:
Two plane crashes after dismantling aviation safety (“DEI!”)2
A mass deletion of January 6 records (What J6? Day of Love?)3
A federal infrastructure "optimization" by someone who can't optimize his way out of Twitter (though if ROI = 250Billion in return for POTUS, not so bad after all - but now how I want to have my life’s infastructure managed)4
Three nations deciding maybe the guy with the nuclear codes shouldn't have quite so much **access to ketamine and stuff5
And a partridge in a pear tree (currently being renamed to Freedom Bird in Liberty Foliage, maybe coming soon at the Grift Emporium)
But hey, at least the oceans are getting new names. Take that, geography!
Coming up next on Democracy on Hospice: A deep dive into why some people’s elderly parents still think this is fine. Stay tuned!
Note: This post was written under the influence of nothing stronger than existential dread and a concerning amount of Earl Grey tea.
https://apnews.com/article/plane-crash-washington-dc-trump-dei-claims-3ac5486ec594d81e919e8ebbd9733869
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/jan-6-judges-react-doj-deleting-records/
https://futurism.com/the-byte/twitter-users-flee-rivals
https://www.npr.org/2024/09/11/1198748524/how-elon-musk-destroyed-twitter
https://attentiontotheunseen.com/2025/02/01/musk-applies-his-twitter-destruction-playbook-on-the-u-s-government-and-its-even-more-dangerous/
https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/trump-white-house-drugs-speed-xanax-1234979503/