Howling Ambitions (The Lara Trump Withdrawal Anthem)

A Tale of Tennis Balls and Traded Ambitions

In this installment of Mixtape on the Titanic: When destiny calls but the dog park calls louder.

WAG TEAM presents a musical exploration of what happens when your true constituency prefers fetch to filibusters.

Starring:

• One former Senate hopeful (leash firmly in hand)

• Several very persuasive tennis balls (because fetch is bipartisan)

• The RNC's growing confusion (trading votes for belly rubs is … unconventional)

• North Carolina's canine caucus (ruff-and-ready voters)

• Democracy's relief sigh (sometimes less is more)

Special appearances by:

• The Garden Gate Scratch Lobby (vocal advocates for “woofing” policies)

• Various "Why Not?" pundits (now full-on stumped)

• One very crowded dog run (complete with bipartisan barks)

• The Primal "Awoo!" Chorus (lead vocals by Labrador and Beagle coalitions)

• Several perfectly bouncy campaign promises (literally)

Thinking about bonus tracks:

• "Marble Halls vs Tennis Balls"

• "The Chief Whisperer (To Fleas)"

• "Who Needs Votes When You've Got Paw Prints?"

• "Democracy's Leash Got Too Tight"

The Yankoboop

Click to play.

Streamers

Now on Spotify, Apple Music, and wherever else political pivots meet canine priorities.

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#HowlingAtThePoliticalMoon #FromSenateToDogPark #PawsOverPolitics #DemocracyGoneDoggy #TennisBallsOverCampaignCalls #BackyardConstituency #WhoLetTheAmbitionsOut #NoSenatorsOnlyDoggos #PuppyKissesOverPolitics #FetchingNewOpportunities #WhenDestinyBarks #MarbleHallsToTennisBalls

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Howling Ambitions (The Lara Trump Withdrawal Anthem)

North Carolina beckoned with promises so sweet,
"Come claim your destiny, there’s a Senate seat!"
But as I reached for power in that Southern state,
My true constituents scratched at the garden gate.

The polls said "maybe," the pundits said "why not?"
But democracy’s leash felt just a bit too taut.
Then came the vision that set my spirit free:
A thousand tennis balls all bouncing just for me!

Who needs the Senate when you’ve got the pack?
Trading floor speeches for a well-worn track.
They say, "But Lara, think of your family name!"
I say, "Watch me fetch it—that’s my claim to fame!"

Oh, you can keep your committees,
Your votes and your decrees.
I’ve found my true position:
Chief Whisperer to the Fleas!

They offered power in that marbled hall,
But have you seen a Labrador catch a ball?
Politics is messy, full of tricks and schemes,
But puppy kisses never hide what they mean.

The RNC wondered, "Has she lost her mind?"
While I was teaching retrievers how to find
Their inner voices, their primal "Awoo!"
Better than any campaign speech—it’s true!

You can keep your Senate floor,
I’ve got paw prints at my door.
They say, "But Lara, think of your brand!"
I say, "Watch this pack—they understand!"
Built my platform on a dog run,
Traded votes for belly rubs.

My constituents have four legs,
And they all frequent the clubs.
Some seek power through election,
Others through a golden spoon.
But I found my true direction:
Howling at the marble moon.

So goodbye to all those campaign dreams,
Hello to these new K-9 schemes.
They say, "But Lara, what about your base?"
I say, "Look how happy is this face!"