High Score (The Billionaire's Donkey Kong)
When Ego Meets Economics
Last week, Elon Musk—net worth approximately $400 billion—moved Tesla's corporate registration from Delaware to Texas. Why? Because a Delaware chancery court had the audacity to rule that his $56 billion compensation package was invalid (ruled again December 2024, same thing as January 2024).1
As Jonathan V. Last pointed out in The Bulwark, "Why is a guy worth $400 billion going to so much trouble to scratch out a few more billion? It's like the King of Kong—he's obsessed with setting the high score."2
That perfect comparison got us thinking: What if billionaires are just gamers who've confused their net worth for a high score? And just like that: another Wag Team hit was born.
The Real Game in Play
The Delaware court's ruling wasn't just about money—it was about oversight, corporate governance, and the basic principle that even billionaire CEOs should answer to their boards.³ But when you're playing life like it's an arcade game, those pesky rules feel like they're just getting in the way of a new personal best.
YankoBoop
And you have the way - at your fingertips - right here - to play this masterpiece right now.
High Score
Today's Top Scores:
Basic Run (No Board Oversight): $56B
Delaware Court Challenge: GAME OVER
Texas Restart Bonus: Pending
Total Net Worth: $400B and counting
Power-Ups and Easter Eggs:
Corporate Registration Relocation: +1 State Dodge
Board Meeting Skip: Unlocked
Shareholder Rights: Disabled
Twitter Purchase: Achievement Unlocked
Why This Run Matters
While billionaires chase high scores through corporate maneuvers and compensation packages, the rest of us are stuck playing on hard mode:
Manufacturing jobs vanish like Pac-Man dots.
Wealth inequality expands like an unwinnable Tetris board.
The middle class shrinks faster than Q*bert's platforms.
Reality checks bounce higher than a Mario jump.
Behind the Music
This track draws inspiration from:
The classic documentary "King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters" (2007)
Recent coverage of the Delaware Court ruling
The long tradition of billionaires treating wealth like a competition instead of a responsibility
#BillionaireSpeedrun #HighScoreEconomics #CorporateRaid #WagTeam #MixtapeOnTheTitanic
Now Streaming
Now streaming on Spotify, Apple Music, and wherever wealth-hoarding billionaires track their high scores.
Coming soon to:
- Compensation Package Radio
- Delaware Court Defeat FM
- High Score Heroes Weekly
- The "I Have More Money Than God But It's Never Enough" Playlist
Engage With this Post, Please
Drop your billionaire high scores in the comments below. Best speedrun strategy wins a genuine* Delaware court summons.
(*authenticity pending multiple lawsuits)
What's your favorite billionaire game mechanic? Share your thoughts below on whether wealth actually has a final level.
Join the conversation! Comments open to all readers.
Subscribe for more musical takes on late-stage capitalism's most absurd moments. Free subscribers get the songs; paid subscribers get cheat codes to the simulation.
Potentially Coming Soon (If Reality Doesn't Outpace Satire)
- "Space Race 2: Electric Muskaloo"
- "The MetaVerse Shuffle (Mark's Moving Castle)"
- "IPO (Initial Prison Offering)"
- "The Social Network 2: This Time It's Personal Data"
*Note: Given the current speed of chaos, these tracks may be obsolete before they drop. Stay tuned for whatever fresh absurdity requires musical commentary day after day, week after week.
High Score (The Billionaire's Donkey Kong)
That Delaware court ruling Sure made quite a scene Four hundred billion networth Still chasing that green But who knew that this player Would get so obscene Playing his own game of Billionaire Kong Machine That rich boy Sure plays a mean money game Think he's got some kind of High score in his brain Always playing That wealth accumulation game How do you think he does it? (Ain't it a shame!) Crafting compensation Like it's just a game Chancery Court judges Called out his own name Stack those golden barrels Climb that corporate frame When you've got billions already What's the point of this game? "BONUS ROUND! Insert more shareholder value to continue..." "NEW ACHIEVEMENT: Delaware Court Defeat!" "GAME OVER... Just kidding, still worth $400B!" He plays by intuition Can't read the room at all Posts his way through Twitter Watching numbers fall That deaf, dumb and blind kid Sure loves his protocol Breaking all the records On his golden blockchain wall That rich boy Got slapped down today But his high score's still Blinking anyway Always grinding For points he'll never spend How do you think he does it? (When will it end?) "CONGRATULATIONS! You've reached Level: Totally Unnecessary Wealth!" "Would you like to continue hoarding? Insert ego to play again..." "WARNING: Achievement 'Public Approval' has been lost!" High Score: $400B Bonus Points Lost: Court Ruling Game Status: Still Playing Reality Check: Loading...
https://www.reuters.com/legal/delaware-judge-rejects-request-restore-elon-musks-56-billion-tesla-compensation-2024-12-02/
