Day 1 Pump and Dump: Common Sense Optional

A Dispatch from a Generation Watching its Parents Choose Fantasy Over Reality

Jan 25, 2025

This one is five days behind reality, because the grift is moving faster than my satire can.

Editor's Note:

This post is about Day ONE of DFT 2.0. Yes, I’m five days late with this one. Day job and all that.

Well, in these first five days, we've seen a defense secretary confirmation that needs a designated driver and tattoo removal to hide the (LITERAL) nazism, 1,600 insurrectionists pardoned, and... well, you get the idea. The grift moves fast, but some stories need telling anyway.

Remember the 1980s?

When newspapers landed on front lawns and my parents made a point of subscribing to both local papers because... something about different perspectives? (The memory's fuzzy - it was the last century, after all.)

Fast forward to 2024. Parental types accusing me of letting "politics" interfere with "family."

But let's talk about Day ONE of DFT 2.0. Just Day ONE. Because even though I’m five days behind (reality moves faster than satire these days), it matters (if anything does).

Day 1: Pump and Dump.1

This Isn't About Politics

Your candidate launched a cryptocurrency from the White House. His (would-be estranged, but who leaves the White House? not these folks) wife launched a competing memecoin. ON. DAY. ONE.

White gold tie, looking spry
Launch my coin, watch it fly
Secret stash, gonna crash
But first I'll make that cash

[By the time you read this, there will probably be three more coins, two more scandals, and a partridge in a gold-plated pear tree. But let's stay focused on Day ONE.]

The Math Part (Remember Math?)

Guy launches sketchy investment scheme
Price pumps up 976%
His wife launches competing scheme
Both crash
Early investors profit
Regular folks lose money

I'm the scam guy - Duh
Launch a memecoin on Day One
Watch the FOMO start to run
I'm the bad guy

You don't need both local papers to spot this one. You don't need to "do your own research." You just need the basic humanity you had before you decided owning the libs was more important than being human.

HODLing Pattern: A Study in Obvious Scams

But What About...

I know what's coming. Something about Hunter Biden. Something about immigration. Something about whatever culture war Fox News is selling this week.

See
Got my billions, that's the deal
While my base can't afford meals
I'm the scam, scam guy

But here's the thing: This isn't about politics interfering with family. This is about watching you choose fantasy over reality. And this was just Day ONE. (We'll get to Days 2-5 once we catch our breath.)

From Both Papers to No Truth

You used to at least pretend to care about different perspectives. Now you're watching a guy run cryptocurrency scams from the Oval Office and calling it patriotism.

Ethics who? Nothing new
That's just what winners do
(Coming through)

This isn't about politics. This is about being human. About basic right and wrong. About the common sense you had before you decided winning imaginary arguments was more important than reality.

The Yankoboop

Right here. Play it. Here it is.

Day 1 Pump and Dump.

1×

0:00

-2:57

A Simple Truth

You can accuse me of letting "politics" interfere with family. But we both know what's really happening here:

You're choosing a fantasy world where obvious scams are "4D chess" and basic human decency is a partisan issue.

What's a foreign emolument?
When you're rich they let you do it
I'm the scam, scam guy

That's not politics. That's a choice you're making. Every day.

Stay tuned for whatever fresh horror tomorrow brings (or, realistically, whatever horrors happened while I was writing this). Because as long as we keep pretending moral bankruptcy is patriotism, the show must go on.

Day 1 Pump and Dump: The Sheet Music of Grift

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[Coming Soon: Days 2-5, assuming Days 6-10 don't completely break reality first]

#ThisIsntAboutPolitics #ItsAboutBeingHuman #DayOneDisaster #WagTeam