Cognitive Dissonance for Dumbies
(Definitely not part of the “For Dummies” publication empire)
Welcome to the future of denial.
Weaponized ignorance meets high-effort satire. You won’t learn anything useful here, but you’ll laugh your way through the absurdity of our modern discourse.
This isn’t your average self-help book.
It’s not here to improve your life, fix your relationships, or teach you how to build a birdhouse.
Nope.
This here is the de-fin-uh-tive guide to embracing cognitive dissonance in all its twisted glory—whether you’re dodging facts, bending reality, or weaponizing your social media feeds for the algorithm gods.
Featuring expert editorial oversight from Ignor A. Muss and rave reviews from the very folks who brought us “both sides-ism” as a national sport.
Because why think critically when you can double down on your biases?
Testimonials from the masters of spin and denial! Finally, a book that “gets them.”
Word Is
Cognitive Dissonance for Dumbies: As Recommended by America’s Leading Experts in Denial™
Word is, this book is already a hit—at least among the people who need it most.
Whether it’s about both-sides-ing a fire, kissing the ring at Mar-a-Lago, or weaponizing your marriage’s arguments for passive-aggressive glory, Cognitive Dissonance for Dumbies is getting rave reviews for all the wrong reasons.
Here’s what “they” are saying…
Maybe George Stephanopoulos
“Thanks to this book, I’ve fully embraced our corporate mission at ABC News to remain a ‘news-free zone.’ The chapter on ‘How to Report Both Sides of a Fire Without Acknowledging the Flames’ was transformative.”
Context: George’s “news-free zone” digs at ABC’s infamous settlement with Trump post-DFT litigation—proving once again that journalism in the age of corporate cowardice is more about avoiding lawsuits than reporting truth.
(The “both-sides-ism” chapter is a scathing critique of media neutrality taken to absurd extremes—like refusing to say a fire is bad while it burns down the house.)
Maybe Joe and Mika
“Finally, a book that gets us.”
Caption: Joe and Mika, Available to Work!
Context: The Morning Joe duo’s infamous trip to Mar-a-Lago to “kiss the ring” after their public falling-out with Trump. The satire here pokes fun at their spineless reconciliation and desperate attempts to maintain relevance.
(When cable news stars swap integrity for access, Cognitive Dissonance for Dumbies becomes their bible.)
Anonymous Testimonial
Take it from one satisfied reader:
“I bought this book to prove my spouse wrong, but now we’re both using it to win arguments. Our marriage has never been more passive-aggressive!”
— Name Withheld (because my spouse is reading this too, and I don’t need another argument)
(Cognitive dissonance isn’t just for politics—it’s also great for relationships built on gaslighting and petty squabbles.)
Think you’ve spotted cognitive dissonance in the wild?
Drop it in the comments—your example might just make it into the next edition of Cognitive Dissonance for Dumbies.
Because if we can’t fight the chaos, we might as well laugh at it.