Buy Low / Invade High
A Real Estate Mogul's Guide to Geopolitical Shopping Sprees
In this installment of Mixtape on the Titanic: When your favorite billionaire discovers that buying countries is surprisingly like buying distressed properties, only with nuclear implications and weirder HOA meetings.
Inspired by recent headlines about “soft invasions,” new shipping routes, and old-fashioned imperialism, WAG TEAM drops a musical masterpiece that’s as hilarious as it is biting.
Inspired by recent headlines about potential "soft invasions" and very hard feelings, WagTeam presents a musical exploration of what happens when you treat the globe like a Monopoly board and NATO like an inconvenient homeowners' association.
Starring
A Space Boy navigating geopolitics with the same finesse as a self-driving yacht.
Sovereign nations reacting to annexation plans like they’re a bad deal on Zillow.
A kitteh who is just not having it with imperialism.
Special Appearances Thought About
Greenland’s eternal side-eye.
NATO’s patience running on fumes.
Canada—quietly resisting with maple syrup-flavored shade.
The ghost of ethical diplomacy (because it’s definitely departed).
The YankoBoop Here
Play it. Don’t spray it.
On Spotify, Apple Music, and wherever else fine geopolitical satire is streamed.
#WagTeam #GeopoliticalShoppingSpree #BuyLowInvadeHigh #SpaceKingDiplomacy
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Buy Low / Invade High
Browsing the globe like a clearance rack Denmark's got something I want (in the back) Greenland's not listed? That's just a mistake Time for some sovereign-to-be mistakes "Location, location, invasion!" Buy low, invade high! (That's the art of the steal!) Grab the lands, watch 'em cry! (As the ice caps make their deals!) Got a Space King pulling strings While his algorithm sings: "Nobody annexes better than me!" Panama's fees are remarkably rude Time for some hostile-yet-soft attitude Canada's looking like prime real estate Mexico's railways just sealed their fate "We're going to build a wall... around everything!" Arctic thawing! (That's the deal!) Profits soaring! (Watch me steal!) Climate lying! (Now we know!) Routes are dying! (No more grow!) Shipping crisis! (Never waste!) Perfect timing! (Make your case!) NATO's annoying, let's give it the boot While we establish our conquest commute Drawing new maps with a Sharpie in hand Adding more countries to our theme park land "Who knew imperialism could be So compli- compli- compli-mi-cated? Buy low, invade high! (That's the art of the steal!) Grab the lands, watch 'em cry! (While democracy kneels!) Got some billionaires in space Planning shipping routes with grace: "Nobody conquers better than me!" "Beautiful country, ocean views... Slightly used democracy, as-is condition... Perfect for aspiring autocrats... Minor resistance may occur... Sovereign nations? More like sovereign opportunities..."