Baby Where Did Your Porn Go? (A Supreme Love Song)
When The Supremes Meet Supreme Court Surveillance
JAN 22, 2025
I didn't wake up today planning to write a Motown-inspired song about digital surveillance and porn laws. But when Andra Watkins1 has been warning us about Project 2025's plans for months, and with the Supreme Court treating the First Amendment like a suggestion box... well... sometimes you just have to process constitutional crises through song.
This Yankoboop was inspired by Andra Watkins' essential coverage of the Christian Nationalist attack on First Amendment rights. While my content is free and this mention intended to amplify her inspiring and informing work, I encourage readers to support her directly at "For Such a Time as This." Content will be modified or removed immediately upon request.
Quick Context (Because Yikes)
For those wondering how we got here:
Project 2025 explicitly states they want to outlaw pornography and imprison its creators [retrieve some choice quotations when time permits; point made]
Texas passed a law requiring government ID to access adult content online [get citation when time permits; point made]
The Supreme Court seems ready to approve it using "rational basis" review (which is legal-speak for "whatever, sounds good enough") [get citation when time permits; point made]
House Speaker Mike Johnson proudly revealed he has an "accountability partner" monitoring his internet activity [get citation when time permits; point made]
As Andra warned us: this isn't just about PornHub – it's about anything that makes certain people uncomfortable
In This Episode of Mixtape on the Titanic
When 1960s Motown meets 2025's surveillance state. WAG TEAM presents a musical exploration of what happens when "protecting community standards" becomes code for "tracking your every click."
Starring:
One very proud Speaker's browsing history
Several increasingly nervous constitutional rights
The Supreme Court's diminishing interest in strict scrutiny
Moby and friends' growing concerns about digital surveillance
The Story Behind the Song
Remember when conservatives used to talk about small government and personal freedom? Those were the days! Now we're watching the "don't tread on me" crowd transform into "please monitor my internet activity" enthusiasts faster than you can say "constitutional crisis."
Got thoughts and feelings about which freedoms we should panic about next? Drop them in the comments.
Why The Supremes?
Well, sometimes a way to process the erosion of constitutional rights is through sweet Motown harmonies. Plus, the contrast between innocent 1960s pop and 2025's digital dystopia felt tragically appropriate.
A Note on History
Remember how Prohibition worked out? Yeah, this'll probably be fine though. Nothing to worry about when states start competing to create the most restrictive digital surveillance laws. I'm sure it'll stop at porn and won't affect any other content.
Here ‘Tis.
Post-Script
To Speaker Johnson's accountability partner: Sorry about all the songwriting research. I can explain.
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Comment below with your favorite verse (or suggest what rights we should panic about next!)
#WagTeam #DemocracyOnHospice #DigitalDecency #FirstAmendmentBlues #SaveDemocracyAndDogs #PornPanic2025 #AccountabilityPartnerProblems #RationalBasisBlues #SupremeCourtShenanigans #MikeJohnsonsBrowserHistory #ProhibitionButMakeItDigital #ChristianTaliban #MinistryOfDigitalDecency #SmallGovBigSurveillance #ConstitutionalCrisis #MoralityPoliceState #Pornghazi #TheSupremesVsTheSupremeCourt #TotallyNormalRepublican #WhoWatchesTheWatchers
Baby Where Did Your Porn Go? (A Supreme Love Song)
Baby... where did your porn go? While Mike tracks every click and scroll? His buddy keeps him in line Now wants yours tracked like mine Through his "accountability" hole... Ooh, they want control (want control) Of what we see and know (see and know) Show your ID at the door Till we can't browse anymore Baby, baby... where did your porn go? State... by state they creep With standards vague and steep Utah's sin is New York's play While rights just fade away Through their surveillance deep They preach small gov but now they spy On every click and website why? First it's porn, then it's news Next they'll ban all our views (All our views, oh what views...) See... how "rational basis" Replaced what strict law insisted They rubber-stamp control While freedom pays the toll Oh baby, who can resist this? "Blessed are the meek... But not online We'll track your tabs one click at a time For the Kingdom of Heaven requires A government-issued ID, my child..." Look... how history shows From Prohibition's throes They don't care what you drink They just control how you think Oh baby, that's how it goes Ooh, they want control (want control) Of what we see and know (see and know) Track our clicks and scan our face Till we're locked in their embrace Baby, baby... where did your porn go? The Court finds your browsing habits incompatible with our carefully curated community standards. Your digital existence has been remanded to the Ministry of Digital Decency. We tried banning booze, we tried banning sin... Turns out power's the only game we can win. May God save this Honorable Court... Because your constitutional rights just left the building."