Art of the Steal (Bible Edition)
$1000 Bibles? Inflation-adjusted salvation!
Let's rock.
Today on Mixtape
A little Bankruptcore Gospel number for all those fiscal conservatives suddenly discovering that tariffs are surprisingly... not selective about their targets. Who knew international trade could be so complicated?
Starring
One marked-up holy text
Several bewildered economic advisors
The complete collection of "But I Thought Tariffs Were For OTHER People"
Moby's increasingly concerned fiscal analysis
Multiple commandments about profit margins
Special Appearances Thought About
Xi Jinping's karmic economics
The ghost of trade wars past
One very bankrupt casino's worth of divine intervention
Supply-side Jesus
Democracy's receipt collection
Here ‘Tis
Play it. Right here.
Also streaming on Spotify, Apple Music, and wherever else sacred texts get their MSRP and divine powers meet market forces.
Some Context
In the latest episode of "capitalism meets commandments," we witness the fascinating collision of MAGA merchandising and divine distribution rights. When your religious texts come with a Trump premium and "Made in China" takes on biblical proportions.
#ArtOfTheSteal #BibleMerch #MadeInChinaMAGA #HolyMarkup #MoneyChangers #VerySpecialPricing #MobyJudgesYourProfits #WhenTariffsBoomerang #PremiumPrayers #GoldenCalfPricing
December 2024
Art of the Steal (Bible Edition)
Mar-a-Lago's melting down, the Lord works in mysterious ways When your Chinese Bibles cost a grand, it's time to say your prayers Xi Jinping is rolling as the karma hits its stride Turns out Jesus wasn't covered by that America First ride
Oh, the Made-in-China MAGA show (Reaping just what you sow) When your tariffs boomerang And your prophecies go bang
It's a holy mess of your own making, don't you know Now he's downsizing Moses like a bankrupt casino deal Five commandments should be plenty – who needs "Thou shalt not steal"? "It is what it is," says Xi, with fortune cookie zen
While Donald's trying to convince us greed's not one of the Big Ten Should've read the Art of Trade Before your Bible prices swayed Now your base is mighty vexed 'Cause they can't afford the sacred text (But hey, at least they're Made in USA... oh wait)
The gospel's getting pricey at the MAGA merchandise store A thousand bucks for scripture's got your followers pretty sore Could've googled "tariff" first, but wisdom comes too late When you're buying holy water by the bankrupt estate
It's the Made-in-China MAGA show (Reaping just what you sow) When your trade wars hit the pews And your base has got the blues Time to pray for lower prices, don't you know (But Xi just says "LOL, no")
Now the only thing that's cheaper than your promises, it seems Is the irony that's flooding through your golden-plated dreams